All Leaders Talk, But the Great Ones Truly Connect

Recently, I was conducting a coaching session on a virtual platform with a young aspiring leader from overseas. If I remember correctly, we were talking about how to deal with difficult people. I enjoyed the flow of the conversation, but we had a problem. Our internet connection was terrible. We must have been disconnected three or four times. One minute, we’d be deep into a conversation about leadership, and the next minute, the audio would drop, and the screen would blur.

Everybody’s had that happen on a phone call using digital connections. It’s pretty annoying. Have you ever thought about why it's so frustrating to be disconnected? Being disconnected breaks your concentration, wastes valuable minutes, and interrupts your workflow. The fact of the matter is that “connection” is everything when it comes to communication.

Here’s the thing: we usually are well aware when a connection is dropped. But often we are unaware if we are connecting with others in our business conversations. We think we’ve connected with a person and communicated clearly but find out later there was misunderstanding, confusion, or even offense taken.

So, as leaders, how can we ensure that our communication efforts go beyond mere talking and achieve true connection? In my latest book, Think Globally, Lead Strategically, I argue great leadership is all about relationship-building, and great relationship-building has a lot to do with effective communication. So, if great leadership hinges on great connections with people, we must proactively hone our communication abilities.

How do I hone my abilities? I offer five principles:

The “Ego Deflation” Principle: Albert Einstein once wrote, “A person first starts to live when he can live outside himself.” Nicely put. Think about it. As a leader, your organization’s entire population, with one minor exception, is composed of others. So, as good leaders aspiring to be great leaders, we must learn to check our egos at the door. The apostle Paul leverages this principle when he says, “Don't do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourselves” (Phil 2:3). If we refuse to think of ourselves as “better than,” we will quickly become more effective communicators.

The “Other Shoe” Principle: If you have a leadership role within your organization, you’ve been put in a place of privilege. What you do with that privilege says a lot about you. Egocentric leaders use their privilege to put other people in their place, but great leaders—servant leaders—use their privilege to put themselves in other people’s shoes. They have what I call “cultural agility.” Indeed, if you try to see things from other people’s perspectives, you’ll notice a brisk uptick in your ability to communicate compellingly.

The “Lifelong Learner” Principle: The greatest leaders I’ve ever known are lifelong learners. Even though they’ve experienced great success, they are aware of their ability to learn from anybody or any situation. If you aspire to be a first-rate leader, cultivate a teachable attitude. Value each person with whom you communicate, even—and especially—when you are engaged in a difficult conversation. The person with whom you are talking will recognize your humility and usually will respond positively. You see, people are most interested in their leaders when their leaders are interested in them.

The “Benefit of the Doubt” Principle: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote, “Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.” Von Goethe is right. Think about it.

Everybody in your sphere of influence wants to be valued. They want to “be Somebody.” So, do your best to encourage the good you see in them. Be careful to give the benefit of the doubt rather than hastily drawing negative conclusions. And you might just be the leader who, finally, unlocks that person’s potential.

The “Do Unto Others” Principle: In any relationship, including our workplace relationships, conflict is unavoidable. It might lurk under the surface or it might explode out into the open, but it’s always there. So, what’s the number one conflict engagement principle for aspiring leaders? As Jesus put it, “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” (Lk 6:31). Before a difficult conversation, or even in the heat of the moment, pause for a moment to cultivate a genuine concern for the other person. You’ll be glad you did. It’s the right thing to do, and it usually helps you achieve resolution.

There they are, my five principles to help us proactively hone our ability to connect with others. You’ve probably noticed, as I’ve argued in Think Globally, Lead Strategically, that effective communication is as much a spiritual and emotional exercise as it is a logical or linguistic one. We’re not just working on our skills, we’re working on our souls.

By way of analogy, don’t be like that virtual call that keeps dropping, leaving everybody annoyed at the waste of time. Don’t be one of those leaders who does a lot of talking but never truly connects. Reach your God-given potential as a leader by communicating effectively and thus building strong connections.